April got off to the worst possible start for beer drinkers, with news that up to 50m pints of beer could go down the drain if lockdown lasts until the summer. The estimate was made by the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA), based on the amount of beer the UK’s 39,000 pubs will have in their cellars and the period of time it takes to turn bad. Tom Stainer, chief executive of CAMRA, told the BBC it was “a tragic waste”.
April wasn’t a month that went terribly well for Brant Walker either. Brant is the mayor of Alton, a small town in Illinois with a population of just under 30,000. There were widespread reports of residents snubbing lockdown and social distancing, so Mayor Walker swiftly ordered the local police to ‘vigorously enforce’ the rules.
The next day, Alton’s finest broke up a party at the town’s Hiram’s Tavern, with revellers “clearly disregarding” the Mayor’s executive order. One of those at the illicit get-together was a lady called Shannon – unfortunately, Mayor Walker’s wife. “I am embarrassed and apologise to the citizens of Alton,” said the mayor in a statement. “My wife … showed a stunning lack of judgement”.
Oh to be a fly on Mr and Mrs Walker’s kitchen wall…
And quite possibly on the cucina wall of Signore and Signora Faggiani as well. Fed up with lockdown, Fabio Faggiani decided to run a full marathon, inside his apartment. He did this by running round his dining room table: completing the full distance of 26.2 miles meant that Fabio had to lap the table 2,800 times.
There is no word yet on whether the people in the apartment below were cheering Fabio on. Or, indeed, on whether Signora Faggiani was attempting to watch television at the time.
While one might jokingly refer to Messrs Walker and Faggiani as ‘heroes’, April gave us a true hero.
I refer, of course, to Captain Tom Moore, who wanted to walk 100 laps of his garden before his 100th birthday and, in so doing, perhaps raise a “bit of money for the NHS”. As I write this – very fittingly, on Tom’s 100th birthday – that ‘bit of money’ so far amounts to over £31m. What an incredible achievement, Colonel Tom: never was a promotion so richly deserved. We salute you!
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